Since childhood I have been making piles and building boxes to sort and store various parts of life. Similar to sorting through closets, choosing which items are acceptable and permitted to stay versus those which must be stored in the basement or discarded. I believed some emotions were welcome while others were not. I was free to express joy (as long as it wasn’t too exuberant) and gratitude but never anger or doubt. Those emotions deemed unacceptable would be boxed up, sealed and stored, in hopes that they would not seep out of their contained space.
Growing up in a very conservative environment, I was taught that some places were “verboten”, some forms of entertainment taboo, and very possibly the beginning of a slippery slope toward damnation. This belief required me to also pack up those places believed to be beyond the reach of God and place them out of sight, never to be considered again. Everything was consigned to either the sacred or secular pile; the latter was, of course, much more acceptable and desirable for living life as a Christian. Some professions were placed squarely in the sacred box, to be honored and esteemed, while others were considered profane, of little value.
The piles of boxes made it difficult to live freely, I had to be careful to step over that box, or push another aside as I navigated through life. If I lifted the lid of that one, would it spill out and take over? Would it be Pandora’s box?
It seems our propensity to sort and categorize is an attempt to make life easier, to assert our control, to manage through dividing and conquering. We desperately want to contain each part, so there is no spill-over into other areas of our lives, we want things neat, like divided plates preventing our different foods from touching.
Are we afraid of what might happen if we allow God to enter into our leisure time, our work environment, or our regular family life? Would it mean a change in the way we live which we would rather avoid at the moment? Has this become a way we attempt to assert our control over our lives, refusing to let go for fear of losing our perceived rule over them?
We as North American thinkers, have determined that God resides in certain places. We will most certainly find Him within gatherings of people of faith. We doubt if we could locate Him at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, the cancer ward, workplaces, or our bathrooms. We are uncomfortable with God being fully present with us in every moment of our lives. There are times we would rather Him not be privy to all the choices we make, the words we speak, or the things we do when we think no one is watching. We have compartmentalized and sectioned off parts of life, named some holy and some not.
While trying to hold conflicting values, emotions and beliefs within ourselves, our minds sometimes use the psychological defense mechanism known as compartmentalization in order to avoid the cognitive dissonance we are experiencing. “The term cognitive dissonance is used to describe the feelings of discomfort that result when your beliefs run counter to your behaviors and/or new information that is presented to you.”[i]
We use this technique to keep our personal lives from overstepping their bounds into our work life and vice versa, which can be a good thing. Compartmentalization allows those working as first responders to remain sane and functioning in spite of all the pain and trauma they witness. On the other hand, compartmentalization can disguise from ourselves and others how we are living in ways which do not align with what we profess to value. This is the case when a pastor preaches from the pulpit the value of love and family commitments; while at the same time cheating on his wife. This defense mechanism can relegate God to a compartment far removed from our office gossip, arguments with our spouse, or our soft addictions.
As has been our custom, we dress up for God. We don our Sunday best in order to meet with Him. We attempt to bring our best selves to Him outside of church as well, only allowing Him access to certain parts of our lives, the ones which been tidied up and made acceptable. All the while putting our hand up to say, “no further” in other areas.
When we use this technique with God, we are trying to keep Him distant. We attempt to hide our ugly bits, in order to continue on in life only partially submitted to Him. We have packed away parts of our lives hoping He will not start rooting through them. We are wanting control and freedom to choose in some areas, and are willing to give God only a portion of our hearts and lives.
Could it be that God would want to unpack all of those boxes, showing us how He has been present within them? He would reveal to us that He hangs out at the most unlikely places, with those we would least suspect. Those emotions we try to keep contained, are welcomed by Him. The places where we work out, pick up our fast food, watch TV, go walking, have a beer, and lie down to rest, are all under the realm of His care and dominion. There are no spaces where God is not, all is sacred since all is infused with His presence.
How much would change if we developed a more integrated view of life and faith so we see our everyday ordinary lives as holy ground; the place where God dwells? Every interaction, thought, movement of our bodies, as meeting places of the God who is not distant, but as close as our very breath. We would begin to value all aspects of our lives more fully, to elevate the normal to holy, the mundane to consecrated. Work as a plumber, secretary, or fashion designer would be seen as holy labor in the same way as the work of our preachers and youth pastors. We could live a more desegregated life, one where God is free to move through all areas, into the nooks and crannies, exposing all that has been hidden, bringing wholeness where there was once dissonance.
Even while knowing good and evil, light and dark, beauty and ugliness coexist within us, we can begin to live freely because it is here that God is also pleased to dwell. There is no need to sanitize or pack away the unsightlies, because of course, all is already known to Him. We can dismantle our boxes and take them to the recycle, free to feel all of our emotions, value every interaction, enjoy all that life has to offer, knowing that in the end all moments are holy moments.
Photo Credits: Leone Venter, Curology, Priscilla De Preez via Unsplash
[i] https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-cognitive-dissonance-2795012