The year 2020 was apocalyptic in nature. It had aspects of a dystopia which we have always feared since reading our first young adult fiction be it Nineteen-eighty-four or The Hunger Games. But I recently discovered that apocalypse is a Greek word meaning "revelation", or unveiling or uncovering of what was not previously known. (You can read more of this here).
PRIDE UNVEILED
There certainly has been much that has come to the surface – some of the worst and best of human behaviour has been reveled. Pride has been one of the worst. This is a particularly difficult vice to see in ourselves because it blinds us to our own faults and amplifies the faults of others. If we look around at all that has been happening this year, we can clearly diagnose this vice.
Pride is an exaggerated belief in my own abilities which interferes with a recognition of my need of grace. Pride is considered the chief sin; the one from which all others flow. This vice is a form of selfishness, when we place ourselves and our wants and desires above all else. We want the attention and affirmation of others and desire to be seen as more important, more attractive. Self becomes the most loved.
In my own life I have seen pride in the ways I take out my measuring stick and evaluate how I think others are doing. I have given myself the role of “goodness assessor”. I judge one person for being too paranoid about Covid-19 and judge another for being too cavalier. I act as though I am the only one who has got the balance right.
Pride uses a measuring stick on others
And I know I am not alone in this. Throughout the year, we have seen many people drawing lines in the sand. Adamant that their view is the only correct one, they defend their position vehemently on social media and on the streets. When we are so sure of being correct that we fail to listen to someone on the other side of the issue, we are acting out of pride. When we have rigid ideas of right and wrong or who is “in” and who is “out” we get a false sense of control and superiority. When we feel like we alone have the Truth, pride is surely there. While there are definitely legitimate causes for which to march in protest, others are self-centered and petty.
ACTIONS TELL THE TRUTH
How do I treat the person in my church or neighborhood who has a differing view in this pandemic? Even while I disagree with them, how I treat them shows if I am acting out of pride or humility. Am I able to love them, wish them the best, speak with kindness and respect despite our differences? Can I still treat them as a beloved child of God who is the recipient of grace as much as I am? Will I value them enough to hear their story to find out why they believe the things they do? Can I treat them with curiosity and love and refrain from trying to convert them to my way of thinking? Certainly, there are times when it is necessary to call out dangerous behavior and the spread of lies, but often our “correction” stems from our desire to be right; our pride.
We have seen all over the world, racism and prejudice exposed, which also stems from pride. We have decided we are better than those of different skin color, religious beliefs, sexual orientation, or economic status and seek to set ourselves apart from the other. We have forgotten the inherent value in all human beings as the image bearers of our Creator. It is tempting to point our fingers at those whose prejudice is obvious - those white-supremist types in America who take the life of innocent black men in the streets, and daily demean those of other races. However, we fail to see within ourselves the subtle ways we prefer some people over others, look down on the poor, and judge those we don’t understand.
Since the 2020 US Presidential election we have seen pride come out in full-force as former president Donald Trump continues to refuse to concede to President Joe Biden. His pride keeps him clinging to his past power and position.
In recent days, local government officials have thought themselves above the quarantine guidelines and have left the country for holidays. They expect citizens to comply to stay-at-home orders but feel they are exempt – this is also pride.
This vice has revealed itself in those who have managed and served their family, neighbors, health care workers, etc. during this time, often with strings attached. Some are motivated by altruistic values but others are building their self esteem on how much other people need them. They love feeling as if they are indispensable to the world. This can lead to a feeling of superiority over others who are more “needy” than they. This is particularly true for those who identify as Enneagram 2’s. Being needed is a way to build themselves up and get their desire for affirmation and love met. However, this can quickly turn to manipulative behaviour when they feel they have not been appreciated enough. They can come to wear their pride like a martyr’s badge.
Pride wears the martyrs badge of denying my own needs in service to others
Difficulty voicing one’s own needs can point to the presence of pride. Within a family setting, the prideful person may be the one taking care of everyone else’s emotional, physical, and relational needs, while out of tune with their own. If their neediness tries to exert itself, they may resort to unhealthy behaviours to hide or drown out these thoughts. This may account for some of the uptick in addictions of all sorts. There is the expectation that others should know and respond to their needs without being asked which sets them up for disappointment in relationship.
Pride also blinds us to our own failings. When we walk around our homes, seeing only the faults of our family members, and never our own, warning bells should be going off. In our disagreements are we aware of how it always involves two sides? Have our biases and temperament played a role in the problem?
HUMILITY COMES FROM SELF-KNOWLEDGE
We need to be aware both of our value and our own failings and need for grace. This is humility and is the virtue which combats pride.
Humility seems slippery. When we try to go after it and feel like we are succeeding we end up with pride once again. The answer is that God is the only one who can grow this virtue within us. Our job is to cultivate a place where God has the freedom work this out in us.
Being aware of our own failings is a good starting point. Regularly practicing self-examination is an effective way for us to see and turn from all the ways we personally fail. As I am conscious of my own sin and lay it before God, I am reminded of my need for grace and pride begins to lose its power. Taking a few moments at the end of the day to review our words, attitudes, and actions is a helpful practice. Using the framework of Examen is a kind and gentle way to appraise the day with God.
Steps of Examen:
1. Ask God to help you see the day clearly, to discern rightly, and to highlight areas which need attention.
2. Give thanks for the day just passed and God’s love for you. Take note of all you have to be grateful for.
3. Review your day, recall specific moments and your feelings. Note the consolations – areas of peace, contentment, beauty, etc.
4. Also note the desolations - areas of pre-occupation, brokenness, or anxiety. Ask yourself “how did I fail to love God and others well”? Bring it all before God. Confess and receive forgiveness.
5. Look forward to tomorrow. Ask where I need God in the day to come, and how I can cooperate with Him more fully.
A more streamlined approach suggested by author Cindy Bunch in her book, Be Kind to Yourself, is to answer these two questions,
1. What is bugging me?
2. What is bringing me joy?
If our repentance comes from a heart that is grieved over the ways we fail to love God and others well, and we receive the forgiveness God freely offers, it can make us genuinely humble. This humility will cause us to act in beautiful and scandalous ways toward our fellow humans who are also regularly in need of grace. We will lose the filters we have used to separate the ins from the outs, and finally see all people as precious and beautiful creations of God. Humility will dismantle our hierarchies, prevent power struggles, and remind us of our proper place in the world.
PRAYER OF HUMILITY
“O Father, give us the humility which realizes its ignorance, admits its mistakes, recognizes its need, welcomes advice, accepts rebuke. Help us always to praise rather than to criticize, to sympathize rather than to discourage, to build rather than to destroy, and to think of people at their best rather than at their worst. This we ask for thy name’s sake.” (William Barclay)
Photos by: Christian Kaindl, Tyler Lagalo via unsplash